Psychologists suggest that to some degree we all complain because we are looking to get connection from people who can relate to the similar life struggles we all eventually seem to face (though in some cases, complaining is a constructive way to find solutions to problems, by talking it out, as opposed to a constant need to vent negativity). I feel there is more to it....
When we complain about everything that’s gone wrong, or everyone who has done us wrong, we’re drowning in our self-involvement, we are giving in to the power of negative speaking, and we are creating a negative mood by focusing on things that are going wrong in our life instead of the beautiful things that go so right in our life. I understand that this can’t always happen all the time but surely you all have felt this, or heard yourself complaining more than appreciating?
It’s an epidemic in our life where self discovery and the pursuit of personal gain can leave us feeling lonely and pressured to succeed. This may not be true for everyone, but I know when I get caught up complaining, nine out of ten times what I need to do is stop obsessing about the circumstances of my life, stop recognizing the need to change things, and start to focus on the positive steps towards a bright future I am indeed paving out.
It’s taken me a long time, but I’ve learned we don’t need to live life in a constant state of reaction to things that seem difficult or unfair. We don’t have to be the victims of bad coming at us. Our lives don’t have to be the sum of our problems—not if we take responsibility for putting good into the world.
That starts by fostering a greater appreciation for our interdependence, we all need love, we all need relationships, and we all need friendships. We are not alone. The world is not against us, and we don’t have to be against each other. We don’t have to let our fears, insecurities and wants boil over inside us until we’re all so stressed, and uptight, that the moment we have a moment we explode in frustration and sadness.
You can always find a negative story to tell—some situation when another person was insensitive, selfish, uncaring, unfair, or just plain wrong. You can also find an underlying struggle that doesn’t justify but might explain their behaviour, is it as easy to find fantastic or positive moments to talk about, when was the last time you answered someone who asked “How are you?” by saying “same old, pretty boring, nothing new”
If you absolutely can’t channel that inner positivity you can always find at least one good thing someone did in your day, or at least one thing that’s brightened your week?
When that stranger held the elevator open, when your colleague let you take the lead in your meeting, when someone commented on your clothing or your hair, when you friend thanks you for being you or when your mother called just to say she loves you; they’re all reminders people are looking out for you—maybe not all of them, and maybe not all the time, but probably more than you notice.
So my challenge is – it’s so easy to show or help create happiness in someone else’s life – think for a moment “What’s the kindest thing you can do for someone else?” Here’s my top 10 -
1. Any deed done for someone else is a kind one when you don’t expect something back.
2. Accept them for who they are and who they strive to be.
3. Speak the truth
4. Tell them why they make a difference in your life
5. Give a simple well meaning smile.
6. Spend time listening with the intent of learning. I feel like I get so much more in return for doing nothing more than enjoying their company!
7. Thank people for just being themselves.
8. Treat each person with respect for his or her individuality.
9. Offer encouragement after a failure. Acceptance of even the weirdest things they possess. A tap for a job well done. A “thank you” to every simple yet life-changing encounter. 10. Forgive.
Good luck with your search for Love and Laughter….. Start with a little dose of appreciation each day J
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